MAN: Carl's Jr. has this $6 burger, which really only costs $3.95...
...so you think you're getting some deal...
...but the truth is, it may be the best franchise burger out there.
I went there yesterday and ordered three.
By golly, those suckers almost filled me up.
When I got home, I still had to have a box of Eggos...
...but that doesn't take away from Carl's achievement.
I mean, here's a guy who's got to go...
-...through life as Carl Junior, right? MAN: Barry?
Like he can never get out of the shadow of his dad, the original Carl, I guess.
Do you think this eating has to do with thinking you killed your mother?
That you're eating yourself to death as punishment?
-You do think you killed her, right? -I never said that.
She called out to you from that big, fancy oak bed.
-She said she was having chest pain. -I never told you any of that!
-How could you know this? -She begged you to dial 911 .
But she was always calling out for you, wasn't she, Barry?
You weren't there. How could you know what happened? How?
-Doesn't matter. Stop blaming yourself. -Doesn't matter.
If you don't, you'll eat yourself into an early grave for no reason.
You're looking in my head! Stop it!
-Don't look in there. -You don't have to do it, Barry.
BARRY : Leave me alone!
It wasn't your fault.
[PHONE RINGING]
Jonesy?
Ah!
JONESY : Hey, how are you doing, Henry?
What's that you say?
Are you going deaf? How are you doing?
You know. SSDD.
Well, yeah, of course.
Hey, I was thinking if you were free this weekend we might go see Duddits.
Yeah, absolutely. He's been on my mind a lot too.
It's been a long time.
JONES: Yeah. It's open!
I gotta go. I got a thing here. I'll see you Saturday.
Yeah, right.
See you Saturday.
So, Mr. Defuniak...
...do you know we're both escapees from Maine?
You're from Pittsfield.
Know what happens to scholarship students caught cheating on exams?
You had the flu that day, didn't you, David? You didn't take the exam?
You missed the test. And since you were ill, why not write me an essay instead?
3000 words on the short-term results of the Norman Conquest.
-Go get started. -Yes, sir.
Better to be from Pittsfield than go back to it.
Thank you, sir.
How did you know? You weren't even there that day.
Sometimes I just know.
[THUNDERING]
Hello.
This probably won't work.
Never start like that with a car salesman. We love challenges. Pete Moore.
In one hour I'm showing a house in Fryeburg. It's a big commission.
And I just lost my damn car keys. Could you possibly make me duplicates?
-That takes at least a day. -Oh, boy, I just knew it!
Easy, Trish. Maybe I can help. I'm always good at finding things.
-Did I say my name? I don't remember-- -I guessed.
Now, let's find those keys.
-Hey, Rachel. -Hey, Pete.
-I looked again. I couldn't find them. MOORE: Okay. I need your help.
You had the coffee in your hand, bought aspirin...
...went to your car, realized the keys were gone.
-That everything? -Yes.
Look. This is gonna seem weird, but it's just a thing I do to help me think.
You bought a candy bar before the aspirin.
Mars bar.
Yours, right?
One more question. If I find your keys, will you let me buy you dinner?
West Wharf? 6:30?
Best fried clams in the state? It's right on your way back.
Sure. Okay.
-That'd be nice. -All right.
So you got here. You opened your purse.
Coffee, candy and aspirin, you're juggling it all around.
And that's when...
...you dropped your keys.
It's just luck, is all.
Thank you.
[CAR ALARM BEEPING]
[CAR STARTS]
-West Wharf, right? Half past six? -You got it.
Another fuckarow.
[THUNDERING]
[PHONE RINGING]
-Jones. CLARENDON: How are you doing?
-Hey, Beaver.ame shit, different day. -Same shit, different day.
-Wanna talk? -No, you're trying to get home.
-What's up? -Really, I got nothing. Go home.
-Wait, Jonesy? -Yeah, Beav?
-You be careful. -Be careful of what?
Wish I knew.
Oh, my gosh. He's right there. Yeah.
What did you say?
I didn't say anything.
Right. Sorry.
Hey!
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God! MAN: Oh, look!
[CROWD CHATTERING]
MAN: Somebody call an ambulance! WOMAN 1: It won't do any good.
MAN: I looked away for one second. Then I heard a thump. What happened?
WOMAN 1: Careful, careful. WOMAN 2: Back up, back up.
WOMAN 1: Seriously.... DEFUNIAK: My God! Professor Jones!
I just saw him. He can't die!
WOMAN 2: Is he dead?
WOMAN 1: I didn't see it. Why did he run out?
Clear!
No good. Flatline. Hit it again!
Clear!
-What do you think? -I think it's no good. I think he's gone.
Watch out for Ister Gay.
[MAN MUMBLING]
[MAN LAUGHING]
DEVLIN: Out of my way.
CLARENDON: Jonesy, don't try to lift that stuff.
DEVLIN: Just go up to the cabin. MOORE: Here, here, look. Big jacket.
-Beaver, I'm going in! CLARENDON: I'll see you in a second!
[GLASS CLINKING]
DEVLIN: Watch the beer.
-Got blown last night. MOORE: Good for you.
-First time? -Bite my bag.
Met some lady at bingo, went back to her place, turned into a nice fuckaree.
-As opposed to a fuckarow. -Obviously.
Though I've had perfectly good fuckarees turn into fuckarows in a flash.
-Try Viagra. -Viagra?
I'm practically at full salute all day.
I'm.... What do you call it? Privatic?
Prag-- Prasmatic? Henry will know.
-You're thinking of fourth grade. -You're having wood problems?
-You haven't tried it, have you? -Hell, no!
Drop that little blue bomb, you're hard as a Louisville Slugger for 12 hours.
Twelve hours?
I'm talking Yastrzemski. You don't have to need it to love it.
Bingo? Did you say bingo, like the game in church basements?
-There's trim there. -Beaver!
I thought my deal was pathetic.
-Ah! -You just watch. That's your job.
JONES: I'm fine. DEVLIN: Uh-huh.
H, you been thinking about Duddits more than usual?
Uh-huh.
Remember we were gonna go see him that weekend?
-I remember. -Then I got hit.
I gotta tell you something weird.
The night I got hit, I was standing there and across the street, I saw Duddits.
Just like he was that day we first saw him back in Derry.
He was calling out for help and everyone was ignoring him.
Then he looked over at me. He looked directly at me.
And he motioned for me to come to him.
You believe I saw him, don't you?
Yes, sir, I do.
Duddits loves me, I know that. He loves us all.
He would die before he'd ever hurt us.
So why was he calling me into the street to get hit?
Maybe there's more to the story we don't get yet.
-You don't know shit. MOORE: Name it!
I'll name it after we come up with a small wager.
-50 bucks. -What's the subject?
In the movies, when people wake up together...
...they immediately start kissing and going at it.
But they never get up first, take a leak and brush their goddamn teeth.
Which is pretty much necessary when you wake up.
What's it called when you got a constant woody?
-You mean priapism. -See? I'm practically priasmic.
Priapismic.
-Whatever! It's hard. -That's what you're betting on?
I can name the one movie where they acknowledge the scuzzy facts of life.
-I'll give you a quarter. -A quarter from you. 50 bucks from you.
-Promised Land. -Promised Land? Never heard of it.
Meg Ryan and what's his name? Reefer Sutherland.
-Kiefer. -From, I don't know,1988 or something?
So Meg Ryan wakes up in the morning and says, "Where's the cat?"
And he says, "What cat?" And she says, "The cat that shit in my mouth."
That will be 50 small.
-Bullshit! You made it up. -Could Beaver make that up?
You can have that priceless piece of cinematic trivia absolutely free.
I'm filing that in the "Who-gives-a-shit" section of my memory warehouse.
[CHUCKLING]
-What's the memory warehouse? -You don't remember?
-I must've forgot. -You forgot the memory warehouse?
-Just remind me. Don't give me shit. -lt's in his head. We've all got one.
-Hasn't that place been condemned? JONES: Not yet.
It's so crowded I throw something out every time I learn something new.
When I got my new laptop I had to throw out my files of rock 'n' roll lyrics.
My warehouse was washed away in a flood about 10 years ago.
I didn't know they had enough beer.
Hey. Hey, hey.
Jonesy, if that really is your name...
-...what do you do with the old files? -I burn them.
-You threw out the "Blue Bayou" lyrics? -No.
No, if I really can't let go of something...
...I sneak it back to an office where I keep my secret stuff.
Where do you keep the stuff on Duddits?
He's got a special section all his own on the third level.
I can't stop thinking about the Duds lately. How about you guys?
It's this place. He's all around here, even though he's never been here.
This is our 20th year coming out here to Hole in the Wall.
And fuck me, Freddy, here's to 20 more.
Yeah.
Twenty more.
Here's to Duddits...
...our dreamcatcher.
Wish he was here.
To the Duds.
-To Douglas Cavell. -To Duddits.
Why is Tina Schlossinger's pussy on the wall of Tracker Brothers?
Because I said so. It's a picture.
-Have you seen it? JONESY : No...
...but the kid who sits behind me in shop, he saw it.
HENRY : Tracker Brothers is deserted.
JONESY : You don't want to see the homecoming queen's pussy?
Don't come.
Fuck me, Freddy! Some kid's shirt.
-So? -lt's new!
Scooby-Doo.
"I belong to Douglas Cavell."
"If the boy I belong to is lost, please bring him to 19 Maple Lane, Derry."
Must belong to one of those kids from the Retard Academy.
[SCREAMING]
BOY : Come on. Eat it. Eat it. Eat it and you can go.
Hey, you guys! Quit it!
Just fucking quit it!
What are you doing?
You're trying to make him eat that? What's wrong with you?
RICHIE: Got it. I'll make him eat this dog turd, then he can go.
You go now. Unless you want half.
Take a hike, girls, while you have the chance.
Piss off. That's your final warning.
[DUDDITS WHIMPERING]
-You better watch it! -Why is that?
-I know who you are. -I'm trembling with fear.
-You're Rich Grenadeau, the quarterback! -So?
What will people say when we tell them what we caught you doing?
You won't tell anybody anything because you'll be dead.
-Get ready, Pete. -Give the word, Henry.
Pete can fly. When you come for us, all we have to do is get in your way.
I can't catch that little dick?
You know who that is? That's Pete Moore.
That's right, fat-ass. Pete Moore. No one can catch him.
He's going straight to his house to tell his mother.
She'll call the cops and then we'll see.
-You know him, is that it? -Never saw him.
Then why ask for trouble? I mean, look at this moron!
-He likes this attention. -How do you know what he likes?
Come on, you dickweeds!
-You want to fight us? -Yes! Yes!
I'm gone, Henry. Just say the word.
-Why? You'll lose! Why? -Because you can't do that! It's wrong!
And I'm gonna tell the world! Tell everybody!
-You want us to leave, is that it? -No! Let's kick their asses!
Let's go. We'll get him later. You know that.
Get you all later.
[DUDDITS SCREAMING]
HENRY : It's okay. You can stop now.
Do something. Somebody!
If I do...
...and you tell anybody, I'll never hang with you guys again.
[SINGS "BLUE BA Y OU"]
HENRY : I never knew Beav could sing.
-Beaver, that's beautiful. -I mean it. Not one word.
Eaver!
You've got a fan.
This yours?
[SINGS SCOOBY-DOO THEME SONG INCORRECTL Y]
Douglas Cavell. That's your name, right?
I Duddits.
PETE: What? -I Duddits!
HENRY : Duddits? -Duddits.
Duddits, we got to get you home.
Hey, guys! Come here! Leave the kid there.
Stand right here, Duddits. Right here with Scooby, okay?
Jesus Christ bananas!
No way is that Tina Jean Schlossinger.
HENRY : Maybe her grandmother. Good going, Beav.
Holy God. We came all the way here just for that?
No. We came for him.
DEVLIN: Hey, Pete. You forgot the dogs.
Uh-oh. Weather moving in. Double storm.
Alberta Clipper first, maybe 8 inches...
...with a nor'easter on its tail.
-Get on back to the cabin, Henry. -Heading straight there, Mr. G.
-Don't mess around. DEVLIN: No, sir.
[CRACKING]
[GASPING]
[SCREAMS]
JONES: Easy, fella.
Easy. You're okay. You're all right.
Thank God. Thank God.
Gee, thank God!
I'm lost. I've been lost in the woods since yesterday.
Let's get you inside. Get you warm.
-How would that be? -Sure.
Here, let me get that.
-Rick McCarthy. -Gary Jones. It's Jonesy to everybody.
Our damn cell phones are on the blink now, so I can't call for help...
...but our car will be back soon.
I didn't think I'd make it. I lost the folks I was with.
You saved me, that's for sure.
What's that?
It's a dreamcatcher.
Indian charm. Catches nightmares...
...keeps them away. Keeps you safe down here.
I've had enough nightmares.
[BURPS]
Been doing that all night.
I ate some berries in the dark.
I think they must have upset me.
[BOTTLES CLINK]
MOORE: I know what you're thinking.
Anyone who drinks at 11 a.m. needs to take the cure, but I only do it here.
In the real world, I never drink till after 5:00...
...and if it ever does, I'm on the wagon for life.
Glad to hear it.
What's the matter with you?
About six months ago, the day Jonesy got hit...
...I did something terrible with a patient. I humiliated him. Drove him out.
Barry Neiman.
Couple days ago, I saw his picture in the paper. He ate himself to death.
Mind if I don't use that story next time I'm trying to sell a Mustang?
You were a lead balloon long before this porker munched his way to eternity.
Thanks. You're a real comfort. You got a real delicate touch to you.
JONES: Here you go, Rick, buddy. That will fix you up.
[DOOR OPENS]
CLARENDON: Jesus Christ bananas! Some fuckarow this is turning into!
-Thanks a lot, Beav. CLARENDON: Yeah, I think I got it all.
What happened to you?
Hi. Joe Clarendon. Call me Beaver.
JONES: Rick here had a bad night in the woods.
Welcome.
-ls that frostbite? -No, I get the same thing from peanuts.
It's allergy.
Grilled cheese, anyone?
MCCARTHY : No, the soup's fine for me. CLARENDON: I'll bite. Sail it over here.
My mother used to feed me pea soup when I was feeling--
[BURPING]
Bitch in a buzz saw!
I've heard some mighty burps in my time, but that's the blue ribbon.
I am so embarrassed.
-Rick ate some berries in the woods. MCCARTHY : Oh, no.
[FARTING]
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, that's awful!
I'm so sorry!
Rick, buddy, don't worry about it. There's more room out than in, anyway.
What have you been eating, woodchuck turds?
JONES: Know what I think?
I think you need to lie down and take you a little nap.
You know, I bet you're right.
I'm just tired, that's all.
-Come on. -My hat.
Beaver?
Come on. In here.
Thank you for taking me in. Thank you both.
-Shit, anybody would have. -Maybe. Maybe not.
All right, this is in case you have to urk...
...if you can't get to the bathroom, which is the third door to your left.
If you go in the first, you'll take a shit in the closet.
If you need anything, we're outside.
[STOMACH GURGLING]
[CHUCKLING]
Fuck me, give me some air!
We got any gas masks handy? We need a biohazard team in here.
[LAUGHING]
-Wanna hear what'll freak you out more? -Not really.
You know his huge stomach?
When he got here, his stomach was normal, but his chest was out to here!
I wish Henry was here.
He's a shrink, not an internist.
He went to med school. Did you?
I thought about it.
You better get a run at it.
DEVLIN: Shit! MOORE: Watch it!
What the hell?
DEVLIN: Pete, are you okay? MOORE: I broke my leg! My damn leg!
-Okay. Hang on. Hang on a second. -Help me!
-I'm caught! I can't-- DEVLIN: God!
-God. -Henry! A little help here!
DEVLIN: Hang on, Pete. Hang on.
-Okay. Here comes the seat belt. -I just opened that beer.
[MOORE LAUGHING]
I got you.
How's your leg?
Well, it ain't broken. It's just locked up, is all.
You don't suppose he got exposed to radiation?
I saw that once in a movie. Guy ended up bald as Telly what's-his-fuck.
This guy's got plenty of hair. But that red mark got bigger while I watched it.
-What are you doing? -Peanut butter calms me down.
-Somebody else might want to use that. -I'll leave some.
Beav.
Beaver.
[CROWS CAWING]
CLARENDON: Criminettlies!
DEVLIN: I think it's a woman.
MOORE: I ought to warn you. I'm gonna strangle this broad.
-I'd guess she's already dead. -I'll strangle her anyway.
She almost got us both killed.
Hello! Here we come, ma'am. Don't be startled.
Hello?
Forget it, H. She's gone.
Hello!
[MOORE SCREAMING]
Ma'am, can you hear me? Are you okay? Can you hear me?
[FARTING]
I wonder if maybe that's how they say hello around here.
Listen, Miss Road Kill, you almost got us dead.
Say something.
I have to find Rick.
-Okay. -Rick.
Yeah.
CLARENDON: Fuck me, Freddy.
-What's all that red stuff on their fur? -Just like McCarthy's cheek.
-I never saw anything like this before. -Even the bears look scared.
-Of what? Where are they going? -lt's not where that worries me...
...it's what are they running away from?
[HELICOPTER HOVERING]
What the hell?
This could be perfect. They can get Stinky to a hospital.
Hey, you guys!
We need help! Got a sick guy inside!
MAN: This area is under temporary quarantine.
-tay where you are. -What quarantine?
-We got a sick guy down here! -We need your help here!
CLARENDON: We got a real sick guy! -Take him with you now!
MAN: Glad you're okay. This situation will be resolved in 24 to 48 hours.
Kiss my bender!
MOORE: I gotta ask you, old buddy. Because I'm confused.
-ls this SSDD or not? DEVLIN: Definitely not.
Different shit today, Pete.
And a pretty weird day so far, if you want to know.
MOORE: Over here.
[MEN GROANING]
DEVLIN: Okay. There you go.
MOORE: Easy.
[STOMACH GURGLING]
DEVLIN: Nine miles to Hole in the Wall.
[FARTING]
DEVLIN: I think I can manage it.
I'll bring the snowmobile back and get you both.
Now, Pete, you listen to me. Don't go back to the car for beer.
-Stay with her. Keep her warm. -Right hand to God, Dr. D.
Henry!
If we die before you get back...
...promise you'll tell everybody she wasn't my date.
-I don't like this. -Me neither.
Not at all.
This is turning into a double fuckarow. A real jobba-nobba.
-Rick, you okay? MCCARTHY : I'm a little sick, fellas.
-I just need to make a little room. -McCarthy, Rick, open up, man.
MCCARTHY : Go away! -Open the door or we break it down.
MCCARTHY : Can't a man have privacy? -Rick, where are you bleeding from?
MCCARTHY : Bleeding? I'm not bleeding.
-Let's do it. -I'm not positive I wanna go in there.
What if he's dying? Scooby-Dooby-Doo, we got some work to do now.
On three. Ready?
One.... Two....
Hold it! What if we just bounce off?
-No bounce, no play. -Right. No bounce, no play.
One....
And a two.... Three!
Oh, fuck! Oh, man! Fuck!
I don't want to see this! I can't see this.
-Shut up a minute. Mr. McCarthy? Rick? -ls he still alive?
I don't know. Rick? Rick, are you--?
[WATER SPLASHES]
Oh, man! Jonesy, if he can still do that, he must be alive.
Can you hear me? I think he's dead.
Bullshit! He dropped a clinker! I heard it.
-I don't think that was a clinker. -That's enough, snap out of it!
-Oh, my God! -My God!
[WATER SPLASHING]
-No! -No?
No.
Good move! It's trapped. Got nowhere to go but the septic tank.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Okay.
CLARENDON: Oh, shit!
-Listen, we're gonna change places. -What?
-One of us is gonna go to the shed. -No way!
Shut up and listen! There's friction tape there.
You go get it, come back. We'll tape the lid down.
Then we're gonna get the hell out of here!
-You get the tape, Jonesy. -Don't be brave, Beav.
You're faster than me. I'll sit on Thumper.
No, if it does get out, you can't fight it. Not with your hip.
Oh, my God! Goddamn it! Go!
-And Beav? -Yeah?
Sit tight, buddy.
[CHUCKLES]
Okay. Okay.
[CLARENDON SCREAMS]
[SINGS "BLUE BA Y OU"]
All right. Okay.
[BANGING]
Shit! Earth to Jonesy! Come in, Jonesy!
[HONKING]
Jonesy. Jonesy.
Okay. Calm down now. Okay.
Okay.
Okay, here it is. Okay.
[BANGING]
Find the damn tape!
[SCREAMING]
[SNARLING]
Where is it?
Coming, Beav!
Beaver! Beav!
I got the-- What the--?
Jonesy, get out of here!
Beaver.
-Get out! Shut the door! -No.
Run, Jonesy.
[SNARLING]
[GROANS]
You killed him.
You killed Beaver.
You killed him, you fuck!
Ah!
What do you want?
[JONES GASPING]
[MEN MUMBLING]
CURTIS: They call the red stuff Ripley, after the broad in the Alien movies.
We eradicate the animals as they flee the Blue Zone.
OWEN: The populace?
CURTIS: We bring civilians to Gosselin's. We'll detain them till we figure this out.
And, Owen? This time the ETs belong to you. That's right, bucko.
-You'll be Blue Boy leader. -Finally.
-How many left? -About a hundred.
Yeah. Not nearly enough for a serious incursion.
My guess is, it's a crash-landing.
They've never picked terrain like this before or cold weather.
OWEN: What's your call?
The biggest threat is them getting out of our net.
Crash-landing or not...
...they'll try to get out and spread the infection.
I always say they never visited a world they wouldn't rather own.
They're up to their old tricks.
Using a standard grayboy look...
...with the innocent doggy eyes and smooth baby-butt skin.
They project what they think we want to see.
But I've had a look at the real thing. You wouldn't want it marrying your sister.
-Difference of opinion about the Ripley. -Really? Who has an opinion?
-Who do you think? -General Matheson.
-Three-star General Matheson. -Three?
-When did you see him? -They called me in yesterday.
What's the opinion of those enlightened cocksuckers...
...who've never been near an ET?
They say the fungus doesn't take hold in all victims. Some of them get over it.
Really? And what about the shit weasels?
The ones blasting out the basement door?
Does Matheson think folks get over one of those puppies?
Their theory is, they only grow in a small percentage of the exposed population.
Do you like that theory, bucko?
I think it's crap.
CURTIS: So if you thought someone had been exposed...
-...and you had them in your grasp-- -I wouldn't want them walking out...
-...to wander as they wish. -Bucko, I think we're on the same page.
Pissing in the same latrine.
If the Ripley gets out of this pine-tree paradise....
Well, it just can't be allowed to do that.
I've quarantined the entire area.
-Nothing leaves alive. -Roger that, boss.
[KNOCKING]
Come!
Got Maples here, boss.
-Corporal Maples, sir. I mean, boss. CURTIS: I know who you are, Maples.
I handpicked every man in Blue Boy. Sometimes I wonder about my judgment.
MAPLES: Yes, sir. I'm sorry, boss. CURTIS: Do you know the catechism?
-Yes, the B.U.C. for all buckos. -ls Blue Unit part of regular Army?
-No, boss. Better. CURTIS: How does Blue Unit operate?
Under the radar. We don't salute, display rank, say "sir." A force unto ourselves.
-Regular Army compared to Blue Unit? -Pussies.
CURTIS: What rules does it operate by? MAPLES: Rules of combat.
That's right, laddie.
When a soldier disobeys a superior's orders, he puts everyone at risk.
And is to be punished immediately by appropriate command personnel.
That's me. Capisce? Good.
Now answer me one question and you can boogie out of here.
But you have to answer honestly.
You were on containment detail at 0600 this morning, sector 14 of Blue Zone.
Did you allow a young woman and her 4-year-old daughter...
...to exit the zone in their own vehicle on Hickam Valley Road?
Colonel Curtis, she hadn't been in the zone.
She made a wrong turn. She couldn't have been contaminated.
You know this for a fact? Or because she told you so?
-For a fact, boss. -Scout's honor?
Can you raise your hand and tell me honestly that you know this for a fact?
Then do it, Maples.
Swear on it. Scout's honor.
[SCREAMING]
Stop your blatting, laddie-buck!
You just avoided a court-martial, boy.
You lie to me again, you'll be facing a firing squad.
-Get him out before I change my mind. OWEN: Let's get him out of here.
Sentry!
-Jesus, Abe. -I warned him.
Could have gotten off with a slap on the wrist.
-lnstead of taking his whole hand? -He crossed the Curtis line!
He came into my house, told me lies.
-You think I'm crazy, Owen? -A little.
I lost my temper there. But that little worm did something worse.
The pretty mom he let pass this morning?
She's down at the barn right now crawling with the Ripley.
Twenty-five years, Owen.
Twenty-five years I've been going out to fight these alien bastards...
...show them they picked the wrong place, knocked on the wrong door.
And frankly, laddie, the tank is running a little low.
Luckily for me, there's one bit of good news in this blizzard of bullshit.
I have you. To lead the assault today and to take over for me tomorrow.
-What are you talking about, Abe? -lt's my last dance, Owen.
From now on, you will lead the band.
-You know where I got that? -John Wayne.
That's right. He gave it to me. And now I'm giving it to you.
-Abe, I don't know how to.... -Let's not get all girlie with each other.
-Just tell me how we do it. -We go in fast and hard.
-How do we come out? -Clean...
...and smiling.
Ah.
MOORE: Honey, I'm home.
That's a good idea. Catch a little shuteye.
Save your energy for those horrendous farts!
[CHUCKLING]
MOORE: Well, it's very nice of you to say so. I find you very attractive also.
You're one of those rare women who can handle the full-size Ford Expedition.
The truck that handles like a luxury car. A really big luxury car.
[GIGGLING]
But seriously, folks, there is one issue I'd like to bring up...
...just in case I should, you know, kick the bucket out here...
...turn into a goddamn Petesicle. Not that I think that's inevitable.
I'm sure Henry or Jonesy or Beaver will be coming to get us soon.
They're my friends. We're all best friends.
Now, ma'am, I'll be very candid with you about this...
...so please, don't get freaked out or think that I'm some kind of weirdo...
...who you shouldn't meet for the best fried clams in Maine.
Just some innocent fried clams at the West Wharf !
You see, the four of us, best friends...
...we all have this other friend by the name of Duddits.
And our friend Duddits, well, he's not your average old buddy.
One day, a long time ago, he gave us all this kind of gift.
It's this.... How shall I put it?
This ability. This ability to know things...
...to talk to each other without talking at all, just mind-to-mind.
Do you see what I'm getting at?
I knew you would.
Lately, I've been having this dream...
...and in the dream, I understand how Duddits could give us a gift like that.
I think maybe our friend Duds is not from this planet.
I think Duddits is from somewhere else...
...and he came here to prepare us for something.
It's crazy.
Talking shit about the only perfect person I ever knew.
He's so goddamned good. I can't believe he's a human.
I should be singing his praises, not questioning what galaxy he's--
I gotta pee.
That's what I should do.
[GROANING]
[ZIPPER OPENS]
Here's to you, Duds.
The highest civilian decoration.
Lord, I will never drink again.
[SCREAMING]
[SNARLING]
[SCREECHING]
[SNARLING]
DEVLIN: Let me get this straight.
Yesterday you want to call it quits, throw in the towel, pull the plug.
Today, you're begging, praying. Couple more hours. Couple more miles.
Make up your mind.
[JET SKI HUMS]
Jonesy! Way to go, motherfucker!
Here you come to save the day!
What the hell?
Who's Mr. Gray?
What are you trying to tell me, Jonesy?
You're not Jonesy.